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SHERIFF: I鈥檓 Sheriff Hartman. Do you want me?

PINCUS: Yes, sir. I've been looking all over for you, Sheriff. You're certainly a hard fellow to find.

MAYOR: What do you want?

PINCUS: (Taking a document from his pocket and proffering it to the Sheriff. He smiles in a comradely fashion). From the Governor.

MAYOR : What's from the Governor ?

SHERIFF: Huh?

PINCUS : The reprieve for Earl Williams.

SHERIFF: For who ?

PINCUS: Earl Williams. The reprieve. I thought I'd never find you. First I had a helluva time getting a taxi鈥�

MAYOR : Wait a minute. Is this a joke or something?

PINCUS : Huh?

SHERIFF: It's a mistake鈥攖here must be a mistake! The Governor gave me his word of honor he wouldn't interfere! Two days ago!

MAYOR : And you fell for it! Holy God, Pete! It frightens me what I'd like to do to you! Wait a minute! Come here you! Who else knows about this?

PINCUS : They were all standing around when he wrote it. It was after they got back from fishing.

MAYOR : Get the Governor on the phone, Hartman . PINCUS : They ain't got a phone. They're duck-shooting now.

MAYOR : A lot of Goddam nimrods.

SHERIFF: Can you beat that? Read it! Insane, he says! He knows God damn well that Earl Williams ain't insane!

PINCUS: Yeah! But I鈥�

SHERIFF: This reprieve is pure politics and you know it! It's an attempt to ruin us!

MAYOR: Dementia praecox! My God!

SHERIFF: We got to think fast before those lying reporters get hold of this. What'll we tell 'em?

MAYOR: What'll you tell 'em ? I'll tell you what you can tell 'em ! You can tell 'em your damn relatives were out there shooting everybody they see, for the hell of it!

SHERIFF: Now Fred, you're just excited. We aren't going to get any place, rowing like this. MAYOR: And you can tell ' em the Republican Party is through in this state on account of you.

SHERIFF: (Into phone) Hello! This is Hartman.

MAYOR: And you can add as an afterthought that I want your resignation now.

SHERIFF: Sssh. Wait, Fred. (Into phone) What? Where? Where? My God!

MAYOR : What is it?

SHERIFF: They got him! (Back to phone) Wait a minute鈥攈old the wire. (To the Mayor) They got Earl Williams surrounded鈥he Rifle Squad has...in his house.

MAYOR : Tell 'em to hold the wire.

SHERIFF : I did. (Into phone) Hold the wire.

MAYOR: Cover up that transmitter! (Sheriff does so. Mayor faces Pincus) Now listen! You never arrived here with this鈥攚hatever it is. Get that?

PINCUS: Yes, I did.

MAYOR: How much do you make a week?

PINCUS: Huh?

MAYOR: How much do you make a week? What's your salary?

PINCUS: Forty dollars.

SHERIFF: (Into phone) No鈥攄on't cut me off.

MAYOR: How would you like to have a job for three hundred and fifty dollars a month? That's almost a hundred dollars a week!

PINCUS: Who? Me?

MAYOR: Who the hell do you think? Now, listen. There's a fine opening for a fellow like you in the City Sealer's office.

PINCUS: The what?

MAYOR: The City Sealer's office!

PINCUS: You mean here in Chicago?

MAYOR: Yes, yes.

SHERIFF: (At phone) Well, wait a minute, will you? I'm in conference.

PINCUS: No , I couldn't do that.

MAYOR: Why not?

PINCUS: I couldn't work in Chicago. You see, I've got my family in Springfield.

MAYOR: But you could bring 'em to Chicago! We'll pay all your expenses.

PINCUS: No, I don't think so.

MAYOR: For God's sake, why not?

PINCUS: I got two kids going to high school there, and if I changed them from one town to another they'd probably lose a grade.

MAYOR: No, they wouldn't鈥攖hey'd gain one! They could go into any class they want to. And I guarantee that they'll graduate with highest honors!

PINCUS: Yeah?

MAYOR: And the Chicago school system is the best in the world. (To Sheriff) Isn't it?

SHERIFF: Far and away! (Into phone) Hold your horses will you, Mittelbaum. Hurry up, Fred!

MAYOR: Now what do you say?

PINCUS: What did you say this job was?

MAYOR: In the City Sealer's office!

PINCUS: What's he do?

MAYOR: Oh, for God's sake!

SHERIFF: He has charge of all the important documents. He puts the City seals on them.

MAYOR: That's about on a par with the rest of your knowledge! The City Sealer's duty, my friend, is to see that the people of Chicago are not mulcted by unscrupulous butchers and grocers.

SHERIFF: That's what I meant.

MAYOR: It's his duty to go around and test their scales.

PINCUS: Yeah?

MAYOR: But only twice a year.

PINCUS: This puts me in a hell of a hole.

MAYOR: No it doesn't.,. (Hands him the reprieve) Now remember. You never delivered this, whatever it is. You got caught in the traffic or something鈥ow get out of here and don't let anybody see you鈥�

PINCUS: But how do I know鈥�

MAYOR: Come in and see me in my office tomorrow. What's your name?

PINCUS: Pincus.

MAYOR: All right, Mr. Pincus, all you鈥檝e got to do is lay low and keep your mouth shut. Here! (He hands him a card) Go to this address. It鈥檚 a nice homey little place, and you can get anything you want. (He sees Pincus through the door) Just tell 鈥榚m Fred sent you.

Citation: Ben Hecht and Charles MacArthur, The Front Page, Covici-Friede, 1928, pp. 94-100.