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Start: I can’t afford to buy it, but I�...

Lie, Cheat, and Genuflect

Pizza Face Petrillo

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Start: I can’t afford to buy it, but I’d be glad to donate. You see, Sister, I was an orphan once myself. When I was a kid. Me and my brother Leonard.
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End: They gave me my own bed. And they gave Leonard an inner tube to sleep with. I’ll never forget them for it. I miss those good Sisters. I think orphanages are great for orphans.

For full extended monologue, please refer to clips or the script edition cited here: William Van Zandt & Jane Milmore, Lie, Cheat, and Genuflect, Samuel French, 1982, pp. 119-120.

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