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Start: Let me give you some advice. If you know you’re going to eventually say yes to something, say yes right away. Don’t start by saying no and then say yes. [...] Let’s say she wants to take a driving trip through wine country�.now that’s the last thing on earth you want to do, driving from chateau to chateau... [... � …] End: Happy wife, happy who gives a s#!&. (pause) Hey Gerald, one thing. I’ve been straight my whole life, but now, I completely get it.

For full extended monologue, please refer to clips or the script edition cited here: Steve Martin, Meteor Shower, Concord Theatricals, 2016, pp. 65 - 66.